I came out as a bisexual when I was 16 years old. That was 15 years ago and life was so much different during this time. LGBTQIA+ was only LGBTQ during this time and people were not as comfortable and open about who they were. I felt so much pressure to define myself and because I had dated guys my whole life, it just made sense to come out as bisexual. When I was 19 years old and in college, I had started exploring relationships with females. Society was slowly starting to change its view on the LGBTQIA+ community and because of that, people started having more opinions about sexuality. After dating my first girlfriend in college, I came out as a lesbian. I felt like I was a lesbian not only because of my strong feelings for females but also because I was not accepted by other lesbians if I considered myself bisexual. It was so difficult to understand why I was getting excluded when we all were fighting so hard as a community to get the same rights as everyone else.
For the next 10 years, I struggled with figuring out who I was because I was constantly feeling the pressure from my peers to choose my sexuality. I continued going from dating girls to guys throughout those 10 years and I was always asked by my partner to pick my sexuality and stick with it. I am now 31 years old and feel like for the first time in my life I have figured out who I am and what sexuality defines me. So let me introduce myself: My name is Alyssia Lopez, I am the Assistant Hospital Manager at Veterinary Emergency Group in Union, NJ and I am pansexual.
Guide to Pride Flags
I have worked at Veterinary Emergency Group for 3 years and I can honestly say that this is the first job where I felt like I could be exactly who I am without worrying about being judged. Not only has the diversity at VEG made me feel so comfortable with who I am but also how hard this company works to make everyone, client or staff member, feel like they are never judged for who they are or who they love. My father is very homophobic and because of that, my home life was not a safe space for me. I may be in my 30s now but I cannot explain how nice it is to finally be in a place where I feel accepted and can express myself freely.
Many of us spend more time at work than we do in our own home and working somewhere where you truly feel accepted helps make coming out so much easier. Unfortunately, everyone does not have the luxury of working at an amazing place like VEG so here are some of my tips for coming out:
- Don’t rush trying to figure out how you define yourself. This isn’t a race and you do not have to prove anything to anyone.
- Don’t be afraid to come out as many times as you need to. I went from bisexual, to lesbian, to bisexual again, to pansexual. There are no rules for coming out.
- Do experiment with your sexuality. A perfect way to figure out who you are and what defines you is by being open to different experiences. Just remember to do what feels comfortable for you!
- Do come out to a group or person that you trust and provides safety and comfort.
- Do be patient with others, Times have definitely changed in the 15 years from when I first came out but that does not mean everyone has evolved yet. Sometimes others need time to process and that’s okay.
- Do reach out. There are so many support groups, meetups, activities, etc for the LGBTQIA+ community. Sometimes it is easier to come out when you have someone behind you that has done the same thing.
- And if you don’t have someone in your life that has gone through coming out and you are shy about getting involved in a group setting, I would be more than happy to lend a listening ear or words of wisdom. You know where to find me!
